I write with fear of sounding like a broken record.
But, I find myself here so often. Living in the tension of knowing rejected children are living without a family and the God given ability in my soul to love them deeply.
When will He give me the confidence that He is telling me it’s time?
I have held their faces in my hands. I have told them they are loved. I know their names.
And because I know, I am responsible.
And then another one dies. One that I loved. In his room alone, his heart failed him and this life ended. Without a mother. Without a father. Without an advocate. While I sat on the other side of the world in my comfortable home in my soft bed with a healthy body. My mind just can’t make sense of it all.
The injustice of it all gets so heavy that I don’t even know how to express it at times. I feel burdened and my words fail me.
I know that He created me, and He created you, as a response to this broken world. We are His vessels.
He made us to bring His light to the darkness.
And I’ve felt the honor of that.
But what I’m doing now… It all feels so small.
Advocating for them. Directing others to adopt them. Telling of their dark reality.
It all seems to come up short.
They need advocates. But what they need more than that is for people, a family, in their lives to proclaim their worth because of a Savior that loves them, and you, and me.
And I’m worried that I’m selling them short.
That while I sit here and tell others to adopt them, I am sending a mixed message that I believe they are worthy enough for others to adopt, but not enough for me to make the sacrifices to bring them home.
And that’s scary to me.
Because these kids are nothing less than worthy.
The same Creator that made you and me, made them. In His image. And He loves them just the same.
Chinese, Ethiopian, American, Honduran. They’re all the same- they are His masterpiece.
And I would never want that to get lost in the message.
Right now, I’m working through this whole thing. What would it look for me to live out what I preach? What I’ve been shown. What He has placed inside of me.
And I don’t have the answers just yet. He hasn’t given them quickly. And that’s okay. Because someone told me today that what He is doing in me is of no less value than what He is doing with me.
But that doesn’t mean we can stop seeking. We must never stop seeking His heart because He never stops pursuing ours.
And I know that these kids, they are His heart.
His heart is one of redemption, restoration, freedom, and rescue.
And ours must learn to be the same.
And so today, I commit to pleading for direction. What ways should I love His children now?
All because He has made them worthy.
Church, let us rise up!