Arms Wide Open

My roommate shared this song with me & I want to share it with YOU. Sometimes, artists just portray my thoughts much better than I ever could.

Arms Wide Open
Misty Edwards

“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been
Pondering
“What does love look like?”
“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been
Asking of You

I once believed that love was romance, just a chance
I even thought that love was for the lucky and the
Beautiful
I once believed that love was a momentary bliss
But love is more than this
All You ever wanted was my attention
All You ever wanted was love from me
All You ever wanted was my affections, to sit here at
Your feet

Then I sat down, a little frustrated and confused
If all of life comes down to love
Then love has to be more than sentiment
More than selfishness and selfish gain

And then I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at
Me
I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
He was looking at me, looking at Him, staring through
Me
I could not escape those beautiful eyes
And I began to weep and weep
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/misty-edwards-arms-wide-open-lyrics.html ]
He had arms wide open, a heart exposed

Arms wide open; He was bleeding, bleeding

Love’s definition, love’s definition was looking at me
Looking at Him, hanging on a tree
I began to weep and weep and weep and weep

This is how I know what love is, this is how I know
What love is

And as I sat there weeping, crying
Those beautiful eyes, full of desire and love

He said to me, “You shall love Me, You shall love Me
You shall love Me, You shall love Me”

With arms wide open, a heart exposed
With arms wide open, bleeding, sometimes bleeding

If anybody’s looking for love in all the wrong places
If you’ve been searching for love, come to Me, come to
Me
Take up your cross, deny yourself
Forget your father’s house and run, run with Me
You were made for abandonment, wholeheartedness
You were made for someone greater, someone bigger, so
Follow Me
And You’ll come alive when you learn to die

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Something Special

I was just holding her, her head cuddled up near my neck, when I just knew there was something special about her. There is something special about the way she smiles, the way she looks at me, the way she knows I love her.

That’s what is special. She knows I love her. She knows how much she is adored by the white lady that comes to see her. She knows that if she gets hurt and I’m around, I will comfort her. She knows I will stick up for her and fight for her. She knows I will discipline her because I want her to be the best that she can be. She is confident in what we have- a treasured bond has been established.

If she can respond this way with someone who only sees her several hours a week, just imagine her potential if she was blessed with a momma forever! 

I know that one day, we will have to say our goodbyes & her 3 year old mind won’t understand why and I will doubt my decisions, but I will remind myself that it has all been worth it. She has been a part of an attachment. She has had sweet “I love you’s” whispered in her ears countless times. She has been told that she is special. She has known love….

..and although I may not be the one to continue giving her that tangible love as she grows, I will always be one that holds her close to my heart and prays for happiness and salvation over her sweet soul.

She’s my girl.

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Brokenness

It was the Spring Festival. They took him to the hospital as he struggled to breathe. “There’s nothing we can do. He is already too weak,” the doctors said. They picked him up and brought him back home….. as if one can call the blank walls of an orphanage a home.

He held on. He wasn’t ready to let go just yet. He is still with us.

He struggles and fights for the life that is still in him, yet, in the midst of it all, he seems more lifeless than ever.

Heart conditions tend to come along with down syndrome and his heart and liver have, all too early, decided to stop functioning properly.

As I’ve held him Tuesday and today, he coughs and coughs until it seems he is about to get sick, but nothing comes. He lays his head back in my lap and I run my hands through his hair and up and down his back until the next spout of struggle comes. As he lays on my legs, I can feel his heart pounding and I don’t know whether to be scared because it’s beating so fast or to simply be thankful that it is still beating.

As he looked at me today, I got this overwhelming feeling. It was like the fall had taken on a body, and eyes, and it was staring straight into my soul. I was holding a little boy’s broken body and all I could see were the effects of sin; our sin; my sin.

In case you have been spared from this type of experience, let me enlighten you. It is hard to hold a little body that is struggling to stay with you and search for God’s face and God’s love in those moments. It is hard to look past anything other than the injustice that is eating up everything around you. It is hard to praise God as you are being crippled by the fear of death. It is simply, yet profoundly, hard.

As we essentially wait for this boy to pass, I come to the Lord with nothing other than brokenness; the brokenness of this world heavy on my shoulders. It’s almost as if I can physically feel the weight.

…and then it hits me. I remember….

He did feel the weight. He carried that weight. He died and rose again, so that we, His children, would only have to endure a glimpse of that weight temporarily.

So now, I come to Him with a heavy heart as I feel evil, injustice, and brokenness are so close I can touch them. I can see them clearly. I come to Him begging for a 6 year old boy’s life.

I muster up everything in me so that I can come to Him thanking Him for the precious moments that I have spent with such a sweet soul. Those are and always will be sacred moments in my heart. I come to Him knowing that this world His not what He desires for His people.

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved.”
Psalm 55:22

Troubles chasing me again,
Breaking down my best defence,
I’m looking, God, I’m looking for you
Weary just won’t let me rest and fear is filling up my head.
I’m longing, God I’m longing for you

But I will find you in the place I’m in, find you when I’m at my end,
Find you when there’s nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you’ll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching
I’ll find you on my knees.

So what if sorrow shakes my faith,
What if heartache still remains,
I’ll trust you, my god I’ll trust you.
‘Cause You are faithful and

I will find you in the place I’m in, find you when I’m at my end,
Find you when there’s nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you’ll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching
I’ll find you on my knees, my knees.

When my hope is gone, when the fear is strong
When the pain is real, when it’s hard to heal
When my faith is shaken and my heart is broken and my joy is stolen, God I know that

You lift me up, you’ll never leave me searching,

Find you in the place I’m in, find you when I’m at my end,
Find you when there’s nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you’ll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching
I’ll find you on my knees.