I believe God is constant.
I also believe God is a God of seasons.
He graciously gives us valleys and He sweetly gives us mountains. He gives us seasons of heartache and seasons of joy. There is a time for waiting and a time for going. There are sometimes that He is teaching and other times where we are [finally] learning. We have seasons where He feel Him almost tangibly, and then there are other times where we wonder if He is even there.
But, you see, the thing is- He is. He is always there. He never abandons us. He gives us new and different seasons for a purpose, but He never leaves. And He never will.
I believe that God gives us these seasons for the same reason He gives us so many things- so that we can know Him and draw closer to Him in new and deeper ways. Without new and unique circumstances and experiences, we become comfortable. We fall into routine. We lose sight of who He is and the fact that He is real. The fact that He is a passionate God who consistently pursues us.
This season. The one that I am living right now. Most of the time, it makes me feel like I’m standing in the middle of a hurricane of seasons as they swirl around me. It feels like chaos a lot of the time. On most days, I struggle with whether to call it a mountain or a valley. Is it a time of desperate heartache or pure joy? Maybe both?
What I do know, is that it is a whirlwind.
Quite often, I feel like everything is going on around me and I am just an onlooker. I feel alone and like nobody really gets what’s going on in this heart of mine, but for some reason, I’m still content. After all, I don’t even really get myself.
It’s a whirlwind that challenges me to cling to the Father.
I am experiencing the Lord in fresh ways. He is showing me parts of Himself that are new to my heart. Sometimes, He really is almost tangible. I know that He is the only reason there is energy left to pour into the kids. He fills me up and then some.
Can it be that I am in the midst of it all?
What I know and what I hold onto is the fact that in the midst of this seasonal free for all, my God is a God of order. What seems like chaos to me is perfectly orchestrated by the hands of my Creator. Nothing takes Him by surprise. He knows what will challenge me and how He will reveal Himself in that moment before it even happens.
As I feel completely inadequate and unprepared, He is ready. And that brings pure joy in the midst of heartache.
Do you see the contradiction now? The contradiction that makes up most of my days.
Through it all, His beauty and grace shines the brightest.